Are You Flourishing or Languishing?

It's customary to review your life at the beginning of a New Year. What have you done, and what do you want to accomplish? If all you can think of is "I'm glad that's over and I wish I could win the Lottery" then you are probably languishing. Which means you are narrowing your focus, worrying about what isn't working in your life, and feeling as if all the air has gone out of your tyres!

Positive psychology has a lot to say about the state of languishing. It's not a happy or very resourceful place to be. The opposite of languishing is flourishing. This is the state of positive human functioning which is surprisingly most evident when things aren't going so well. Flourishing is made up of qualities of being such as resilience, optimism, meaning-making, character strengths and virtues, creativity, personal goals, well-being, and wisdom.

It turns out that flourishing can be learned. And you can start the New Year by finding out how to apply the skills and techniques of positive psychology to turn your life around.

Book an appointment now. It's cheaper than Jenny Craig, and the results are more profound and more enduring!

When "Sorry" Isn't Enough!

To say "I'm sorry" has different meanings depending on context and culture. A core issue is how culpability is assessed. An apology might be seen as an admission of wrongdoing, or it could be seen as an expression of eagerness to repair a damaged relationship without implying culpability. What do you mean when you say "I'm sorry"?

You might mean, "I'm the one responsible, and I accept blame". Or you could mean, "it's unfortunate that this has happened". In a survey of US and Japanese undergraduates, the Japanese students recalled issuing an average of 11.05 apologies the previous week, whereas the US students recalled just 4.51.

Addicted to Drama!

"Don't you know who I am?!" Such an over-blown expression of entitlement seems obvious. But we can all be addicted to drama in more subtle ways. For example, do you find your partner is "hard work"? You probably perpetuate the situation by holding a belief that "I'm entitled to be treated better than this". Do you get caught up with your finances, never having enough money? You may have learned at an early age that "money doesn't come easily". If it does, you probably don't trust it. And what about life in general? If you remember drama in your family, you may have developed the same patterns of behaviour to get your own needs met. And you probably still do (if there's no drama in your life how can you be sure that anyone will pay attention to you?)!

Aesthetics

Core values give rise to the activities we enjoy that give meaning to our lives. One of my highest values is aesthetics - "a need for self-expression, a dedication to quality, an interest in how things look, feel, and sound, and close attention to the appearance of work products". It's a strong value for me, and sometimes I over-emphasise it. I get caught up in "style" and overlook "substance". I get distracted by "bright shiny things". Which of your values do you overemphasise at times?